Difficult Moments—and How to Deal With Them
One of the greatest professional compliments I ever received came at the end of a discussion with a client about a project that had (temporarily) gone off the rails. At the end of our exchange she observed, “You’re a really good person to have a difficult conversation with.” This moment stayed with me because I came to realize that there were a number of important sentiments implicit in her statement: This wasn’t easy. You kept your cool. I think we’ll be able to figure this out. (And we did.)
Every aspect of Libretto’s professional practice is driven by the desire to avoid those kinds of difficult moments. We maintain high standards and consistently push our work (individually and collectively) toward excellence. We interrogate every word and sentence we produce in the hope that the narratives we shape strike the right tone, deliver germane information in a crisp and logical manner, and paint a mental picture that’s both vivid and credible.
And yet those instances of disconnection occasionally (but invariably) occur. Some chance factors could zig instead of zagging; an inference might turn out to be a miscalculation. The hundreds of carefully considered decisions—and the wealth of good intentions—that inform the crafting of a client’s narrative can still fail to yield a result that aligns with their expectations.
Here are a few of the tenets I strive to follow when faced with a difficult situation:
Stick to the problem – and the solution.
At Libretto, the words “fault” and “blame” are more or less prohibited. When a difficult situation arises, I do my best to stay focused on identifying the root of the problem, masterminding the solution, and taking the steps needed to ensure it won’t recur.
Try to see things from the client’s perspective.
No one creates problems intentionally. The more you learn about the context informing a situation on the client’s side of the fence, the more empathetic you can be. Is this the first time they’ve led this kind of project? Are there stakeholders who are making things particularly difficult for them? Are there other work-related (or personal) issues and pressures they’re grappling with? Making the effort to walk around in the other person’s shoes can help make a situation feel less adversarial.
Be empathetic, rather than apologetic.
This is a tricky one. There’s a nuanced (but important) difference between “I’m sorry that what we provided didn’t resonate with your team,” and “I’m sorry that our work was substandard.” Framing problems around a lack of alignment, rather than a lack of effort or talent, helps lessen the angst—and the potential for animosity—associated with a difficult situation.
Remember that grouchy people care.
Critical people care as much about the organizations they’re engaged with as anyone else (if not more). For example, I’ve been in multiple situations where someone has leveled a pointed criticism in the midst of a presentation I was giving. When that happens, I look the person in the eye and say something like, “One thing you should know about me is that I value candor, and I appreciate that you’re willing to share your skepticism around this particular point.” After the presentation, I walk over to them with my hand extended and thank them for speaking up. In my experience, there’s no better way to defuse that brand of tension than by addressing it head-on with integrity, openness, and good humor.
At a meeting for one of Libretto’s many projects for MIT, a client told us, “If you believe a problem is insoluble, walk away from it. If you believe it’s solvable, then you take on an obligation to find a solution.” Succeeding in a service business requires a sincere belief in the capacity of you, your team, and your client to work through a given difficulty—and achieve that solution—by behaving honestly and authentically.
